Confession: I've been hiding out a little.
It's true. I haven't posted since May 18th. MAY 18TH! Though I have actually been quite busy over the past few months- my last post about "Samson" will definitely validate that- I haven't necessarily been TOO busy either. I'd like to say that's the problem and have even been saying it to the point where I almost believe it myself, but I know it's total BS.
I actually have a few posts that I've started but have shoved to the back burner and are merely just drafts at this point. One is a review of an acne treatment I tried. Another is a hair update since I intended to post right after I got my hair done. My relaxer was June 18th... If you just paused and thought about the date then surely you realized, 'Um, wow that was a while ago!'
So here's what happened. I started out having an "Ugly Week". We've all had them, right? Nothing fits right. One obnoxious pimple pops up, then another and another. You step on the scale and suddenly start to realize eating whatever you want clearly doesn't work anymore. Overall, nothing seems to be going your way that week. However, the problem came for me when the "Ugly Week" turned into an "Ugly Month" and now I've decided it's just an "Ugly Year", which actually started about September of last year!
I'm 27 years old. My metabolism has officially started its decline from the good 'ole days of high school yester year when I could put in a minimal amount of time and effort working out and have six pack abs by the end of a 2 week period. More than half my wardrobe doesn't fit anymore and had to be boxed up. Then I started developing adult acne. I had nearly flawless skin as a teen. So naturally I assumed back then that I was just lucky and would simply never really be prone to zits aside from the occasional random breakout. WRONG! I've gained 18 lbs so far since I got married in August '08. The idea of taking pix of my face and hair to display in a blog post just did NOT sound appealing to me. Everytime I got ready take pix I'd find some excuse to pause and save the post, planning to come back to it later.
No doubt many of you will read this post and think, "Boo hoo, woe is me, sob story, sob story!" And ya know what, I'd often be one of those people if I was reading this on someone else's blog. I'm often the first person to point out someone else's good attributes and tell them how ridiculous they are for being so overly female. Or I'd come from the other side of things and instead of preaching acceptance, I'd be scolding, "If you don't like these things about yourself, do something about it." But of course it's never the same when you have to scold the person who's looking back at you in the mirror. I've fallen victim to the very thing that often drives me insane about women in general. 'Bitch, moan, whine, cry, oh how I feel so sorry for myself!' I hardly even recognize myself these days because I'm generally not "that" kind of girl!!! Of course, I also used to have a lot more things in my life that made me able to be so confident. And it all came easily. I ate what I wanted whenever I wanted. I never worked out. I'd go out and have a few drinks (without even one thought about how many calories were in my mixed drink!)and then come home and sleep in my makeup like it was nothing. I loved the mall and could shop for hours. Now I loathe the place and only go when I NEED something or when someone else is going.
Basically, I'm growing up and I'm just not a fan... because I'm lazy!!! I don't wanna work out. I don't wanna count calories and eat boring bland food. I wanna quarter pounder with cheese and a 50 cent soft serve cone after! I don't wanna feel stressed out over how clean my face is every single day. Don't get me wrong, I love playing in products just as much as the next girl, but I don't want to feel like it's a necessity to give myself a full on facial on a daily basis!!!
I'm being a little overly obsessive about it all, I know. But I AM a woman and as much as I like to try to resist it, we ALL have our overly female moments. However, I've definitely decided that I'm not going to choose the route of "acceptance". I'm choosing the "get off your ass and do something about it" route... because deep down I'm "that" kind of girl!!!
My next post will be a personal "Making Over My Image" jump start post that WILL include pictures! Im going to put it out there for all to see, which will inevitably require some serious accountability. I kinda have this theory that plastering your biz on the internet tends to provoke an extra dose of motivation!!!
Anyone feeling inspired enough to join me on this dangerous quest?!? ;)
7 comments:
The second I started reading your post, I realize that you're writing about my 26th year. I gained about 15lbs in about 1.5 years, from sitting on my butt at work for 10 hours a day, eating out for almost every dinner, and drinking like a fish. I felt horrible about myself, even though I had an outward appearance of confidence and still pulled down a hottie or two whenever I wanted. So, I made some changes:
1. My girlfriends and I made a pact to never complain about ourselves around each other. That included getting ready to go out (i.e. trying on dresses that were suddenly too small).
2. I stopped drinking for about 3 months. During that time, I lost 2 lbs a week for 6 straight weeks. At the end of it, I had lost 20lbs and I'm now in leaner than I had been since college (and more athletic than high school).
3. I walked EVERYWHERE and walked some amazing stairs about 2x week. There are 200 stairs, and I worked up to doing them 10 times. So yeah, not easy at first, but totally changed the way I looked. Don't work out too hard at first... it's pointless. To lose weight I just made the workouts last for 1-2 hours of low impact stuff.
4. I cut the crap out of my hair. I had needed a new look.
5. I started using straight-up, hardcore zit cream for my adult acne, and they've finally chilled out a bit. College days were nice, I had clear skin all the time. But those days are long long gone.
So basically, it can be done! It may take about a year, but 27-28 can be your best years ever... I can say with total confidence that I look better than I ever have in my whole life. And, except for wrinkles and grey hair, I plan to hit my peak in about 3-5 years. :)
So, good luck Khalia!! But, I know you won't need it!
Thanks, Claire!!! We were both quite the cute little TWIGLETS in high school so it's nice to hear we've been in the same boat. I'm very intrigued by the whole, No drinking for 3 months idea. I've actually been toying with the idea anyway so you kinda just reaffirmed it for me! I think I'm gonna do it!
Ok, we have talked about this whole post-25 apocalypse thing... I hear you. The whole not-drinking idea piques my interest too. I toy with it, but then I come home from work and want a drink. One of the perks of being a grownup, right?
I guess I didn't really know you before the scary 20s (ha), but for what it's worth, I think you really look great and have nothing to worry about!!
I'm glad you're back! Let me say, I understand where you're coming from. It's a different ball game when you're transitioning into another era in you're life. I was feeling the same thing when I turned 29 and found myself kicking 30 in the butt. Here is is 10 years later, and I've notice other changes that precede the next decade. While you may not want to hear it now, I have to say baby girl please don't be so hard on yourself. It often breeds depression. If you keep your head about yourself, your life will follow your words.
If you get a moment tomorrow, check out my blog where I have an interview with Carla Triplett who weighing in at 379 pounds still considered herself a sexy mutha you know what. If you don't feel confident now, fake it til you make it.
Hi Khalia,
I'm glad I discovered your blog. You are so open and real. I think many women feel the things you wrote about but sometimes we are reluctant to admit.
We all change - and hopefully evolve as life goes on. And while we may not enjoy some of the physical changes, those changes can help us realize that there is more to us than what we show of ourselves on the outside. Only then does true inner beauty radiate allowing us to become our most beautiful authentic selves... Something tells me you are well and truly on your way.
-The Ranter's Box
www.rantersbox.blogspot.com
I ran across your blog on the hairlista network and I like it. We all have those bad weeks. It's the good ones we live for! Can't wait to see updates from the making yourself over pics.
-misslaknight
http://dearlovediaries.blogspot.com
Thanks MslaKnight! I'm actually gonna take pix this weekend.
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