July 18, 2010
Posted on 8:16 PM by Khalia Nicole
Confession: I've been hiding out a little.
It's true. I haven't posted since May 18th. MAY 18TH! Though I have actually been quite busy over the past few months- my last post about "Samson" will definitely validate that- I haven't necessarily been TOO busy either. I'd like to say that's the problem and have even been saying it to the point where I almost believe it myself, but I know it's total BS.
I actually have a few posts that I've started but have shoved to the back burner and are merely just drafts at this point. One is a review of an acne treatment I tried. Another is a hair update since I intended to post right after I got my hair done. My relaxer was June 18th... If you just paused and thought about the date then surely you realized, 'Um, wow that was a while ago!'
So here's what happened. I started out having an "Ugly Week". We've all had them, right? Nothing fits right. One obnoxious pimple pops up, then another and another. You step on the scale and suddenly start to realize eating whatever you want clearly doesn't work anymore. Overall, nothing seems to be going your way that week. However, the problem came for me when the "Ugly Week" turned into an "Ugly Month" and now I've decided it's just an "Ugly Year", which actually started about September of last year!
I'm 27 years old. My metabolism has officially started its decline from the good 'ole days of high school yester year when I could put in a minimal amount of time and effort working out and have six pack abs by the end of a 2 week period. More than half my wardrobe doesn't fit anymore and had to be boxed up. Then I started developing adult acne. I had nearly flawless skin as a teen. So naturally I assumed back then that I was just lucky and would simply never really be prone to zits aside from the occasional random breakout. WRONG! I've gained 18 lbs so far since I got married in August '08. The idea of taking pix of my face and hair to display in a blog post just did NOT sound appealing to me. Everytime I got ready take pix I'd find some excuse to pause and save the post, planning to come back to it later.
No doubt many of you will read this post and think, "Boo hoo, woe is me, sob story, sob story!" And ya know what, I'd often be one of those people if I was reading this on someone else's blog. I'm often the first person to point out someone else's good attributes and tell them how ridiculous they are for being so overly female. Or I'd come from the other side of things and instead of preaching acceptance, I'd be scolding, "If you don't like these things about yourself, do something about it." But of course it's never the same when you have to scold the person who's looking back at you in the mirror. I've fallen victim to the very thing that often drives me insane about women in general. 'Bitch, moan, whine, cry, oh how I feel so sorry for myself!' I hardly even recognize myself these days because I'm generally not "that" kind of girl!!! Of course, I also used to have a lot more things in my life that made me able to be so confident. And it all came easily. I ate what I wanted whenever I wanted. I never worked out. I'd go out and have a few drinks (without even one thought about how many calories were in my mixed drink!)and then come home and sleep in my makeup like it was nothing. I loved the mall and could shop for hours. Now I loathe the place and only go when I NEED something or when someone else is going.
Basically, I'm growing up and I'm just not a fan... because I'm lazy!!! I don't wanna work out. I don't wanna count calories and eat boring bland food. I wanna quarter pounder with cheese and a 50 cent soft serve cone after! I don't wanna feel stressed out over how clean my face is every single day. Don't get me wrong, I love playing in products just as much as the next girl, but I don't want to feel like it's a necessity to give myself a full on facial on a daily basis!!!
I'm being a little overly obsessive about it all, I know. But I AM a woman and as much as I like to try to resist it, we ALL have our overly female moments. However, I've definitely decided that I'm not going to choose the route of "acceptance". I'm choosing the "get off your ass and do something about it" route... because deep down I'm "that" kind of girl!!!
My next post will be a personal "Making Over My Image" jump start post that WILL include pictures! Im going to put it out there for all to see, which will inevitably require some serious accountability. I kinda have this theory that plastering your biz on the internet tends to provoke an extra dose of motivation!!!
Anyone feeling inspired enough to join me on this dangerous quest?!? ;)